30.09.2009

I don't know why, but I am tired. A bit listless. I should be having loads of energy, but am only feeling slightly beige, and not in a good way. Not sure where it comes from and not sure that reading a Harlequin romance novel is the way to get myself out of my funk, but it is what I do. It's actually kinda funny, like a really badly written piece of fanfic. Only in swedish and not nearly enough lesbians. But I guess it will have to do while I am desperately waiting for updates to Lex Talionis.

Today's Word: Reading

28.09.2009

I almost forgot today's words. Been engaging in so many different kinds of entertainment today that my own promises to myself sorta faded. Or perhaps it is just because of the really bad mood I've been in for most of the day. Something that only changed after I got my abs spanked in an exercise class. After that it's been a beautiful day. As I was biking home I was showered in a rain of leaves. Autumn really can be breathtakingly beautiful when it puts in some effort.

Today's Word: Fickle

27.09.2009

Utterly blank. That's been my mind today. Not a single thought beyond the immediate future. It is scary and I really don't like it. I had gotten so used to living in daydreams and finding adventure in the mundane, I'm not ready to head into a dark period again. I like thinking, I like it a lot. So I'm really, really hoping this is an anomaly and that soon I will be back in my living dreamscapes.

Today's Word: Nothing

26.09.2009

I look at her. So fragile. So vulnerable. I should know better, but I hate the tubes and wires for violating her. Her body is supposed to be private, it is supposed to be hers, mine, something we share. Now it is forced to endure metal and plastic penetrating and distorting, taking away her independence. Making our shared secret lay naked, twisted and public in a hospital bed.

Today's Word: Fragile

25.09.2009

Why is my brain so stuck on repeat? I don't know why, but I am never satisfied living something once, I need to relive it over and over and over again. It's part of that hyper focus thing where I obsess about something and can't stop doing it. It's the same when it comes to memories, habits, food and entertainment. I cling to something and cannot make myself stop doing whatever it is, whether it be watching a show to reading a fanfic or having chilli  peppers with each and every meal.

Today's Word: Stuck

23.09.2009

Enthralled by the black, almost pupilless eyes Jen stood as if petrified. “Loneliness is the ugliest there is. Nothing is as disgusting as those who leave,” Fury snarl. Unbidden Jen’s hands come down to cover the cold hands on her hips, subconsciously rubbing the pale skin, trying to infuse some warmth into it.

Today's Word: Experience

22.09.2009

Obsession. It is sweet, sugary sweet. Wraps you up in a web of suffocating honey. It is pointless to resist, to even try to resist. So I will just be soaking it up instead. Revelling in the obsession, my hyper-ness. Currently that means I'm revelling in Christina Cox. She attracts and fascinates me. The mystery, the eyes, the voice draws me in and forces me to focus on them to an extent that is almost a little bit embarrassing. Still I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today's Word: Attraction

21.09.2009

Knowing you have a short temper doesn't make it any longer, unfortunately. I have one, an incredibly short one. It is one of my many faults, but when I'm in one of my moods, looking at me the wrong way will set me off, and it does set me off. I explode in peoples faces and storm off like a petulant teenager. It isn't pleasant, in fact it is something I am rather ashamed off, but I can't help it. I've always been like this and I don't know how I would go about changing it.

Today's Word: Anger

20.09.2009

Finally the dull crack of a staff hitting flesh and impacting with bone echoed through camp. Gabrielle went down, a cry of pain bursting through her lips as she stumbled onto the dead ground beneath them. Hovering above her opponent Xena watched Gabrielle’s shallow breathing. The blonde keeping her face pressed against the cracked dirt, trying to quell the nausea bubbling inside of her.

Today's Word: Muse

19.09.2009

Geek ups the gay. It is a not so well-known fact, but I think it is a fact nevertheless. Not sure exactly why or how, but there is something about geek that trumps gay. Don't get me wrong gay is awesome, but if the geek element of gay is removed you suddenly have...Otalia. It's just not the same thing, and it is not nearly as much fun. No give me geek over gay any day. Though the ideal combination is of course both of them in the same basket, so to speak.

Today's Word: Geek

18.09.2009

I believe. I so believe. The only problem is that patience is an inherited part of any type of believing. I suck at patience. Which is weird cause I'm not really into instant gratification either. No I'm a slow sucker. Still I suck at patience. Anyhow, I still believe and I shall continue believing, because one day the world will have formed to my liking.

Today's Word: Believe

17.09.2009

Where is the Academic passion? And how can I find it? Nothing seems to upset me in my field of study. I do not agree with a lot of what's been written, but there is nothing that I feel offended by. In fact a lot of it I seriously disagree with but love to read anyhow because it expands my own perspectives and forces you to ponder. But this lack of hatred or intense dislike might also be a sign that I don't truly love anything either. How do I find the love? What is Academic passion and how do I go about igniting it within myself?

16.09.2009

I had a dream last night. The plot of the dream was...strange at best, but what stuck with my was one specific feeling. There was this one moment where I was trying to comfort a most attractive woman. As always comfort is a bitch, but for some reason I reached out for her hands, and she allowed me to hold hers. That dream moment felt so incredibly real and at the same time that touch felt like nothing I had every felt before. Somehow it feels strangely ironic that I today cannot get my fingers warm, they are absolutely freezing cold.

Today's Word: Hands

15.09.2009

Cancer changes nothing. It isn't a nightmare, it is just life. And life continues on as before, there's just new elements to it. You are still the same people, and you still have the same relationships. I know it is serious, but I think at times the seriousness is stressed to such a degree that you force yourself to live the nightmare instead of enjoying the life. You can never know what is gonna happen, but darkness is only frightening if you allow it to be. I prefer to see it as a challenge instead.

Today's Word: Challenge

14.09.2009

I have vices. Milk is one of them. I don't fully understand it, I just live it. There is something about milk that soothes the soul, relaxes the brain. It's like a blanket of pleasurably innocent memories of contentment. I sit back, I relax and I slowly let the cold liquid find its way down my throat, into the gurgling pit that is my stomach. And once it is there, I have my satisfaction. Only problem is once your satisfaction slowly fades away and all that is left is a nasty case of milk-breath.

Today's Word: Milk

12.09.2009

Today at work I came across a man sitting in a closet playing the violin. It was a soothing and strangely eerie sound at the same time. I found myself linger outside, because even though it sent chills down my spine he was playing beautifully.

Then I overheard the nurses discussing a trip one of them were going on. What are the odds that a nurse from this small city of mine will be going to New Orleans around the same time I am!? Granted Mardi Gras is a tourist attraction, but still it rather forcefully drives home the point of it's a small world.

And to top it all off I have gone around pondering Lobster Erotica all day. All because of a failure to communicate yesterday due to accents and loud traffic. No matter I can't shake the idea of lobster erotica.

Today's Word: Coincidence

(after the fact)

11.09.2009

See I always preferred to interpret the One True Love comment a little differently. I think Marcus was a true love. As a matter of fact I actually think he is the first person she loved unconditionally after the death of her brother. Their love might not have been everlasting or even destined in the stars, but it was a true love based on emotion and not intention, the way love should be - true love. That's not the same as him being her one and only love or soulmate.

Today's Word: Soulmate


(posted after the fact)

10.09.2009

"The Sapphic Nuclear Power Plant of Love" - aww, that would make for a great spin-off. For some reason I keep envisioning Fembots and sharks with freakin' lasers on their heads. I just don't know if the somewhat career oriented biologist Jen will be happy simply living as the First Lady. Perhaps she needs to genetically engineer a new race of super hamsters, or possibly work on perfecting cloning...or whatever it is biologists do. Either way the Plant of Love totally needs a fully stocked laboratory and an anti-gravity room. Oh, oh, perhaps they can rent out the lab part time and Jen can work alongside Dr Frank N Furter. The anti-gravity room on the other hand is merely for recreational purposes.

Today's Word: Fun

(written on the day, posted after the fact)

9.09.2009

Any day when you wake up with a blinding smile on your lips has a lot of potential. Today is one of those days. I don’t know if it is because of the joint hyper-spell I had with Shell last night or if it is the prospect of having dinner with my friends tonight. Or if perhaps it is because of those insane Fury Leika (Dr Horrible)/Jen Crane (Defying Gravity) thoughts that Shell planted in my head last night. No matter what it is, today is full of potential. I intend to enjoy the potential.

Today’s Word: Potential

8.09.2009

It is a bent bent world. Truly. If you want and will the world to form to your wishes, it does. Or at least mine does. It is a glorious thing to live in a world which transform and morphs to fit your needs. So to discover an article this morning where Liz Vassey discuss Ladycops, Christina Cox attractiveness, the genius that is Joss Whedon and the importance of boobs – how can you not be happy?! I like the fulfillment of my needs. It is good.

Today’s Word: Yay

7.09.2009

To find that one thing, that one thing that makes you burn. You just go along, minding your own business and then suddenly – BOOM – BANG - you are hit by inspiration and perfection. You’ve been adrift in this waste ocean called life, not sure which direction you truly wanted to go in. Then there it is, that one thing you have been looking for, but haven’t been able to name. I found it, I actually found it. Now my next project will be getting my ass to Manchester to do a Masters in the Archaeology of Identity.

Today’s Word: Perfection

6.09.2009

Realising I have nothing to give in a relationship. I am fickle, short-tempered, forget traditional moments of celebration and the pressure of true commitment forces me into inaction. I make a good friend, a good sister and daughter. I have something to give when I play those roles, I can actually add something to someone’s life. I would have nothing whatsoever to add to a person’s life as their significant other. Nothing besides frustration and heartbreak. It is a strange thing to realise.

Today’s Word: Punch

5.09.2009

Then there are days were you have no energy, where the words strain your very soul. It almost hurts to force them out of you. Currently living a daydream, and not ready to put it into words. To be honest I don’t know if this daydream deserves to be morphed into actual words on a paper. Some of them just work better inside your skull. It is for my own pleasure, it is a form of mental training. I create a world, I populate it, I make my mind perform synapses my reality denies me.

Today’s Word: Hunt

4.09.2009

I’m eager. I’m always eager as a project starts, when the obsession is still inside of me, cruising my brain. The problems appear once my mind wanders and it does so easily wander off into nothingness and everything. It’s like an old nosy lady with her nose all over other peoples’ business. However while it lasts I shall eagerly soak it up and enjoy the temporary dedication. As well as slap myself and find a routine which will ensure this goes beyond my concept of forever (which would consist of a year or two).

Today’s Word: Velvet

3.09.2009

I’m burning with inspiration after having spent time looking through Jamie Livingston’s Photo A Day collection. I don’t know what to do with the inspiration, I just know that his dedication and preservation of memories is making me want to do something similar. He is inspiring me. The people he met, photographed and lived alongside – they are all inspiring me. Legacy is a strange and rather amazing concept, I think I want to be a part of it.

Today's Word: Legacy